I'm fine.

I'm back at school now. I have mixed feelings about it. I just don't feel up for the challenge sometimes. It will be good to have more to do and to be in an environment where I can contribute and produce something more worthwhile. The depression and anxiety are coming and going. I was really hoping that being with my significant other would help. It does most the time, but the good and the bad still exist. Today I woke up from a nap in despair like I can't ever remember feeling before. The panic was overwhelming. I still have no explanation, but the surge of emotion left me in tears for the next half hour. Sexually, her and I have quickly returned to and topped our highest levels of intimacy. I'm not happy with it, but I think it's understandable after a long time apart. Since our first day together, we've done very well. I'm really hoping for success in that arena. I just don't feel capable of dealing with the emotional stress of fighting that fight, or really any fight. It doesn't seem worth defending myself. I just want to do what is right and be happy. Let anyone else say or do what they may. In the face of possible loneliness, I want to help anyone who is willing to let me, but I'm done trying to force myself into peoples lives. It was a mistake that I ever tried. It might suck along the way, but I have hope that I'll find friends who will actively and cheerfully choose to be apart of my life and consciously seek to be a positive influence.