A Game of Inches

Success! Yesterday was the first day since I've began this blog that I was able to go without pornography or masturbation. It felt great! I think that accomplishment was due to a carefully planned day of productive activities. It was also helped along enormously by positive interactions with the significant other who was particularly supportive and loving. I'm so thankful to be surrounded by so many good and compassionate people. As hard as life sometimes gets, I can't imagine how difficult it would be without their encouragement. 

Sadly today's abstinence ended quickly. My addiction has become so habitual that it was over and done with and I'd hardly realized what had happened. As I'm reflecting more, I'm more precisely pinpointing addiction triggers, and laying in bed is a huge one. With the anxiety and sadness that has often accompanied me recently, getting out of bed seems to take longer and longer each day. Undoubtedly I'll have to alter my morning routine to include getting myself up and out of danger as soon as possible. 

As I mentioned my triggers I realized just how little many of them are. It seems that anything short of positive can be all that it takes to throw me into the downward spiral that always ends in the same place. That's a concerning but hopefully useful realization. Today I've been in a crummy mood since I woke up and within 15 minutes I had gone to the addiction. I had actually planned on blogging later in the afternoon, but I thought I'd move it up to see if it helped me feel better. It usually does. So here's to a day more cheerful than it started.